I love your point about the systemic nature of rape — going through the various social dynamics was a brilliant move.
Also…shame. That blew my mind! It got me thinking…even when we DO punish rapists, I wonder if they feel shame? I wonder if, in a way, even if they’re punished, the way we punish them might make them feel more powerful. How can we make them feel more like cowards!? We need that!
I have a friend who works with people accused of sexual harassment and assault. Based on that, I think the initial reaction from the accused is fear and defensiveness. The shame lends to those...and also, unfortunately, what history shows us is that most people will get away with it with few consequences (most, not all).
And as we can see with a certain presidential administration, people who assault tend to be buddies, prop each other up, and THAT means that they're surrounding themselves with other yes-men who only aggravate the tendency to not feel shame, and instead to call women/other accusers "liars", "crazy", etc. I'm a survivor advocate and consult on preventing this stuff too, and I see this a lot with the people I know have been accused (that they support each other, that certain groups have huge problems with multiple accused people in them).
This is why shifting culture is so important - it's also why it's important to train and educate ordinary citizens to recognize what the early warning signs are. In my work, I've been able to do sometimes, trains communities and leaders, and there have been a few times when someone has stopped an assault because of something they've learned through me.
This is why my "literary" substack ended up becoming so feminist - these are things I do all day, every day, and it's sort of my whole life. It's odd because writing here, about things I care so much about, feels more intimate than a diary, even though it's all highly researched material. It feels I'm emptying my heart/what really matters to me here.
Whew, sorry for the long-winded answer, but I hope that answers your question!
During the trial of Gisèle Pélicot’s husband and rapists (over 50 “normal” men), the latter were tried together and were not separated during the proceedings. They bonded and many actually displayed pride to onlookers and journalists. So we’ve still got a long way to go.
We do. As I've mentioned repeatedly on my Substack, I advocate for survivors & have done so for many years. We've come a long way - before #metoo, the public was so much more ignorant of the dynamics of rape - but we still have a very, very long road ahead of us. Seeing that progress though, and being able to - a few times in my life - stop a rape from happening because of the education I've provided - gives me the fortitude to continue. Writing these essays is but a small part of my efforts.
Really appreciated this post and its hard truths. I continue to feel the large disconnect between the educated and wealthy (and now often queer and ENM) versus the rest of society.
I love your point about the systemic nature of rape — going through the various social dynamics was a brilliant move.
Also…shame. That blew my mind! It got me thinking…even when we DO punish rapists, I wonder if they feel shame? I wonder if, in a way, even if they’re punished, the way we punish them might make them feel more powerful. How can we make them feel more like cowards!? We need that!
I have a friend who works with people accused of sexual harassment and assault. Based on that, I think the initial reaction from the accused is fear and defensiveness. The shame lends to those...and also, unfortunately, what history shows us is that most people will get away with it with few consequences (most, not all).
And as we can see with a certain presidential administration, people who assault tend to be buddies, prop each other up, and THAT means that they're surrounding themselves with other yes-men who only aggravate the tendency to not feel shame, and instead to call women/other accusers "liars", "crazy", etc. I'm a survivor advocate and consult on preventing this stuff too, and I see this a lot with the people I know have been accused (that they support each other, that certain groups have huge problems with multiple accused people in them).
This is why shifting culture is so important - it's also why it's important to train and educate ordinary citizens to recognize what the early warning signs are. In my work, I've been able to do sometimes, trains communities and leaders, and there have been a few times when someone has stopped an assault because of something they've learned through me.
This is why my "literary" substack ended up becoming so feminist - these are things I do all day, every day, and it's sort of my whole life. It's odd because writing here, about things I care so much about, feels more intimate than a diary, even though it's all highly researched material. It feels I'm emptying my heart/what really matters to me here.
Whew, sorry for the long-winded answer, but I hope that answers your question!
It does answer my question, and I love these posts. Especially the research part!
I'm glad to hear that!
During the trial of Gisèle Pélicot’s husband and rapists (over 50 “normal” men), the latter were tried together and were not separated during the proceedings. They bonded and many actually displayed pride to onlookers and journalists. So we’ve still got a long way to go.
We do. As I've mentioned repeatedly on my Substack, I advocate for survivors & have done so for many years. We've come a long way - before #metoo, the public was so much more ignorant of the dynamics of rape - but we still have a very, very long road ahead of us. Seeing that progress though, and being able to - a few times in my life - stop a rape from happening because of the education I've provided - gives me the fortitude to continue. Writing these essays is but a small part of my efforts.
This post was eye-opening for me. Thank you for presenting the statistics in a way I have never considered.
Every day I learn.
Really appreciated this post and its hard truths. I continue to feel the large disconnect between the educated and wealthy (and now often queer and ENM) versus the rest of society.