This is such a well detailed essay. People are often ignorant (including me) on how to treat or behave towards a rape victim. To add on to this, I once read a thread on Twitter by a practicing lawyer who wrote about how rape victims are further traumatized by making them to repeat the abuse they faced again and again to the police, to their doctor, and the court. I have read this a long time ago and it stuck with me ever since.
Yes (I’m trained as a lawyer though I don’t practice, by the way) - repeating the story increases the likelihood of trauma.
There’s a piece I wrote with some tips for how I speak to survivors; happy to share if you’d like it.
And thank you! I really appreciate your comment, this was a much more difficult essay to write than most of mine are, and I spent weeks thinking about it and even talked it through with someone.
Ah, I enjoyed writing it; I hope folks read it because I think there are some important ideas in it, and it might be helpful for folks to think about those.
Excellent article. Well researched. You are right that articles on here often go viral because of emotional appeal, unfortunately detail oriented, fleshed out work tends to be less flashy and gain less attention.
This is impressive. And it is heartbreaking. It is also the reason I joined another SubStack. Substance is in short supply writ large. But not here. Especially not in this vital piece.
Thank you for sharing this essay – it’s given me a lot to reflect on. I initially praised the original article because I was angered by the lack of accountability in Pelicot’s experience of rape. After reading your perspective, I can see how the original article should have asked more nuanced questions – like the ones your essay offers. I hope more people read your essay alongside the viral piece so they can better understand the complexities of this conversation.
Thank you for your thoughtful response; I could see that one of the things that was going "wrong" in our discussion was that wires were getting crossed/we were misunderstanding each other. This is why, IMO, nuance is so important - and so hard to capture in short, viral essays (or texts/DMs/messaging) - which aim for ease of understanding, simple, easy-to-understand concepts, and reaching for an emotional reaction - like your anger around Pelicot's case, then ending on a feel-good note for the reader. Your anger is completely understandable - the case is horrifying and upsetting (as is Chanel Miller's, or the accusations against Neil Gaiman right now, or so many others in the news).
I've seen so much less accountability in non-famous rape cases that my reaction is more sadness and horror than anger.
Lastly, I wrote my piece knowing that it's unlikely to go viral, because it's too complex - it doesn't have the gut-punch simplicity of the viral essay, it asks a lot of the reader, and it's pretty long (I feel I could elaborated even more, but it's already at almost 3,000 words).
I totally agree — I was able to see your perspective better in an essay format, than just by commenting. I really appreciate the depth of thought and care you put into writing this essay, and I look forward to seeing how you might expand on it in the future.
This is such a well detailed essay. People are often ignorant (including me) on how to treat or behave towards a rape victim. To add on to this, I once read a thread on Twitter by a practicing lawyer who wrote about how rape victims are further traumatized by making them to repeat the abuse they faced again and again to the police, to their doctor, and the court. I have read this a long time ago and it stuck with me ever since.
Yes (I’m trained as a lawyer though I don’t practice, by the way) - repeating the story increases the likelihood of trauma.
There’s a piece I wrote with some tips for how I speak to survivors; happy to share if you’d like it.
And thank you! I really appreciate your comment, this was a much more difficult essay to write than most of mine are, and I spent weeks thinking about it and even talked it through with someone.
Yes please, I would really appreciate that. And I appreciate you writing this despite everything. Thank you!
Ah, I enjoyed writing it; I hope folks read it because I think there are some important ideas in it, and it might be helpful for folks to think about those.
Here's the link: https://www.clearlysafe.co/supporting-survivors
Excellent article. Well researched. You are right that articles on here often go viral because of emotional appeal, unfortunately detail oriented, fleshed out work tends to be less flashy and gain less attention.
Yes. I hope to be a small voice leaning toward detail-oriented, research-backed essays.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and to comment.
This is impressive. And it is heartbreaking. It is also the reason I joined another SubStack. Substance is in short supply writ large. But not here. Especially not in this vital piece.
Thank you; your comment is so thoughtful, and I appreciate it deeply.
I’d like info about your anti-rape blog. Thanks. Glad you’re wrote this. 💖
Thank you! And thank you for the suggestion - I took your advice.
Here it is: https://clearlysafe.substack.com/
Thank you for sharing this essay – it’s given me a lot to reflect on. I initially praised the original article because I was angered by the lack of accountability in Pelicot’s experience of rape. After reading your perspective, I can see how the original article should have asked more nuanced questions – like the ones your essay offers. I hope more people read your essay alongside the viral piece so they can better understand the complexities of this conversation.
Thank you for your thoughtful response; I could see that one of the things that was going "wrong" in our discussion was that wires were getting crossed/we were misunderstanding each other. This is why, IMO, nuance is so important - and so hard to capture in short, viral essays (or texts/DMs/messaging) - which aim for ease of understanding, simple, easy-to-understand concepts, and reaching for an emotional reaction - like your anger around Pelicot's case, then ending on a feel-good note for the reader. Your anger is completely understandable - the case is horrifying and upsetting (as is Chanel Miller's, or the accusations against Neil Gaiman right now, or so many others in the news).
I've seen so much less accountability in non-famous rape cases that my reaction is more sadness and horror than anger.
Lastly, I wrote my piece knowing that it's unlikely to go viral, because it's too complex - it doesn't have the gut-punch simplicity of the viral essay, it asks a lot of the reader, and it's pretty long (I feel I could elaborated even more, but it's already at almost 3,000 words).
I totally agree — I was able to see your perspective better in an essay format, than just by commenting. I really appreciate the depth of thought and care you put into writing this essay, and I look forward to seeing how you might expand on it in the future.